HOW TO HELP THOSE YOU CARE ABOUT

1.  Understand that emotional consequences follow "bad times."

2.  Don't expect that the person you care about will "get better" in a certain amount or time or in a certain way.  Often recovery is a long and difficult process.  If the person requires more time than you expected, you may feel frustrated or even angry.

3.  Tell the "hurting person"  how you feel:  that you are sorry they are hurting.

4.  Encourage the "hurting person" to talk to you about how they feel.   When they do, listen without interrupting or making judgments about what you hear.  All the "hurting person's" feelings are OK even if you might not feel the same way.

5.  Remind  the "hurting person" that under the circumstances their emotions are normal.

6.  Do not attempt to impose you explanation on why this has happened to the "hurting person".  It probably won't be the explanation the survivor believes and imposing yours might hurt your relationship with him/her.

7.  Do not tell the "hurting person",   "I know how you feel" or " Everything will be all right."  Often these statements are really efforts to relieve your own anxiety about how you feel about the "hurting person." 

8.  Be willing to say nothing.  Just being there is often all that you can do to help.

9.  Don't be afraid to encourage a "hurting person" to ask for help in the form of counseling.